“Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting this is where I intend you to be.” – Sarah Young, Jesus Calling
I’ve really been struggling with my job, mainly traveling and not being home all week, for quite awhile now. Ironically this is what I always wanted to do – be a traveling consultant. My dad did it while I was growing up and we used to be able to go visit him on his business trip, and I just thought it was so cool that he got to fly somewhere every week and then stay in these fancy hotels and go out to dinner every night (which in reality is fun for about the first month). After becoming an adult I realized that him flying out Sunday night and coming home Thursday night made him an outsider in our house; he was a disruption in our routine and not really a part of our family. (I’m sure that there are consultant parents who make it work, my dad was an alcoholic on top of traveling so even when he was home he wasn’t quite there, but that’s something for another date and time.) Knowing that I still wanted to do it, and I made it happen.
Grant and I have always made my travel schedule work, and I feel like only occasionally does it become a stress in our marriage. People are always saying isn’t that so hard, and it’s just our reality – it’s how our relationship has always been, so we don’t really know any better. After my last project ended at the beginning of January I just felt like I cannot possibly travel anymore. I want to have more time home to have a stronger marriage, build better friendships, cook dinner every night, go to small group and run with Grant after work. And those are all good things. So God that must mean that you don’t want me to travel anymore and you’re going to provide a new job for me at home. So I slowly started applying for jobs, just at places I felt like I’d really enjoy working and waited for interviews and job offers to start rolling in – and you know what, they didn’t.
So now I’ve started praying and thinking and I feel surprisingly at peace with the fact that for the foreseeable future I will be traveling to Rochester, NY every week. I struggled with the fact that the reasons that I wanted to be home were good reasons, so why wouldn’t God want to bless me with my plan – I could do so much good for Him if he would just allow my plan to happen. But my plan isn’t God’s plan, and even though my plan is good, God’s plan is awesome. I read my devotional for today and this was literally what it said for February 7:
“Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting this is where I intend you to be.”
For now, I’m going to focus on the present knowing that God’s plan is greater than mine. Realizing that I can glorify him wherever I’m working, even though my head tells me it’s too hard to build relationships and to share Him with these people I see a few days a week for a couple of months and then I’m gone forever. Realizing that although I hate being gone so much, that this job allows me to have a lot more free time to build a business than a normal job would, which is what I feel like I have a deep desire in my heart to do. Realizing that it’s really not about me anyway.